Here We GROW Again

Baby #4 expected to arrive in September.

Surprised...? Ha! Surprised is the understatement of the year. Shocked to the core of my soul is more like it.

I just recently had become totally ok with not having any more children. Our family is complete and perfect just the way it is. I was at peace with that. However, our God has bigger plans. Better plans. He has known all along our family has been missing that one last piece. The piece that is now this baby.

The past three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster from you know where. Of course at first I was shocked. Then happy, excited....terrified, scared...back to shocked...happy and excited. I'm now teetering on happy/scared/excited/shocked. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll be completely happy and fully excited.  

There have been numerous times I've sat and cried. Wondered why this happened. Wondered why I "let" this happen. How will I love another baby as much as I love Ethan, Corbin and Taya. What have I done? What are we going to do? Then Matt brought me to reality. We WILL make it. We've made it three times before and we'll make this LAST time. It's our baby. A part of our family. A part of us. We'll love it, nurture it and help it become all that he/she is meant to become. This little guy/gal will have the best big brothers and the best big sister ever. Role models. And "that" warms my heart.  

My loving husband told me last night that I've been a "complete basket case". And...he's right. Complete. Basket. Case. The day I found out I have a little bambino growing inside me I quit taking my "crazy" pills, AKA Celexa cold turkey. With this comes withdrawal. So between the emotions of a pregnant woman accompanied with the withdrawal...I have in fact been a total raving lunatic. I'm sorry to my husband and kiddos for that.

I really do want to enjoy, embrace and cherish this pregnancy. It IS the LAST time I'll experience the feel of movements inside me. The last time any of my children will hear my heartbeat from the inside. The last time I will share "this" bond. That's a beautiful thing.  

So....here we are...GROWING again. And looking to a bright, beautiful future.