An Open Letter to My Kids

As we prepare to welcome our new addition, baby Sawyer, to our happy family, I have mixed emotions. I sit here peering out the window watching the three of you play and I feel more blessed than ever to be your mom. The thought that one more little precious person will call me mommy as well,  overwhelms me. Growing up, I always thought I knew how my life would play out. I'd be married to a wonderful man and have a son and a daughter. The perfect family of four, just like I had growing up. However, I have come to learn that our God is greater, our God stronger...our God is higher than any other. God had a different plan entirely. He blessed me with an amazing man that I couldn't be happier to call my husband and the daddy of my children...my four children. But, God double the love he knew I had in me. He has given me two more babes than I thought I wanted. I have THREE bouncing boys and one beautiful little girl that I get to call my best friend. The bond I have with each of you is so different from one another but equally so very special. You three-Ethan, Corbin and Taya, are my world. You bring me so much joy. More joy than I think I deserve at times. 

Ethan - I love your sense of purpose. I love that you think you're unstoppable. The determination you have inspires me. I look forward to seeing you grow into a great young man.

Corbin - You are one amazing athlete. You succeed at everything you do. You impress me on a daily basis. There really is nothing you can't do. 

Princess Taya - You are one spunky little girl. A little girl that has my whole heart. I love that one minute you are telling it like it is, sassing me and the next you're snuggled up in my arms. 

I'm nervous about the future and having another baby to raise but when I look at you three, I see hope and the promise of a happy, fulfilling life. The happiness that only the three (four) of you can give. I think about how much I love each of you and how fulfilling being your mom really is. I can't wait to share that love with your baby brother. I can't wait to make great memories with Sawyer as well.

So...here we go. Our family of five is soon becoming a whopping family of six. And, I wouldn't have it any other way.

  

-With all my love....to infinity and beyond,

Mom, Momma, Mommy

An Open Letter to Matt

Here we are...fifteen years, three weeks and a day after we said "I do", anticipating the arrival of our FOURTH child. A son. Another little being to care for and adore. Another little man that will look up to you and think you, of all people, hang the moon. 

Another apprentice to watch your every move. One more guy to teach how to throw the ball, turn a wrench, fix a flat, pitch a tent and so many more things I can't wait to see. You are and have always been an amazing daddy. First, with Ethan and Corbin and then with princess Taya. You are a hero in all their eyes. You are a hero in my eyes. The man that makes us smile when we're sad, giggle when we're sick and hope when we're down. You make us all believe we can accomplish anything. You encourage us to dream big and reach for nothing less than the stars. 

You bring so much laughter and happiness. The way you live life. You hold nothing back. You see the best in everyone you meet. You don't have an enemy in the world. At least not in my eyes. You, to me...to us, are pure joy. You are the picture of what a husband and more importantly what a daddy should be. You are teaching our sons how to treat their lady. Teaching Taya how to expect to be treated by her man. You show me on a daily basis how to be a better friend, mommy and person. 

After so many years, so many ups, so many downs, there is not a single minute on earth I would trade for what we've had and the life we've made. Our kids are well rounded, polite, kind, big hearted little people that you and I can be proud of.

The amount of love we share for Ethan, Corbin and Taya is immeasurable. The love we will share for Sawyer is unstoppable. My love for you is unconditional. 

I know we have many years still ahead filled with both happy and sad times but together, with the love, laughter and support of our precious family, we will make it. 

I truly do love you, Matt...to the moon and back.

2014-2015 Here We Go

This morning we welcomed the 2014-2015 school year with big smiles and lot of hope. Hope for the best year yet.

Ethan is on top the world being the big guy on campus (8th), Corbin jumped into life as a middle schooler head first (6th) and Taya took on 2nd grade like a pro-she didn't even turn to tell Matt and I bye. In a weird way that brings me comfort. She's right at home in her little school.

This year is bitter sweet. It's Ethan's last year in middle school and this time next year we will have a TODDLER running around!

As a mom and daughter I feel amazing today. This, because after 3 very LONG years, my daddy is back teaching and coaching in TOM BEAN! He teaches at the middle school where both attend. Unfortunately he isn't teaching either boy but he does have quite a few of the boys friends in his classes. Better yet, he is Ethan's football coach-first time ever! He will also coach Ethan in basketball and track. What a way to end Ethan's middle school career.

To top off the greatness, both Ethan and Corbin are managers for the Varsity football team! This means they both get to ride the bus to all the games and be right down on the field, front and center with Coach Upchurch (pepa) and all the other coaches and players. My dad said Ethan is the best manager they have :) Not only are they having a blast hanging with the players but the time they get to spend with my dad is total greatness. They are learning responsibility and what being a real team player means.

Taya has also taken on a new challenge. She is a cheerleader for the first time. Her first game was this past Saturday and she did awesome. She is so proud of herself and we think she hangs the moon.

I can't tell you how proud I am of all three of our kids. They are amazing little human beings with the best, biggest hearts. I can't wait to see what this year holds.

With that...we now have two kids in middle school, one in elementary and one getting ready to make his world debut. Life is good.

Corbin Moves On

Where did this school year go? It seems like only a month ago we started school and here we are now, at the end. Last Thursday was the last day. It was a particularly a big day for one of the kiddos. It was Corbin's last day ever in elementary school. Next year he'll join his older brother and learn the ropes of MIDDLE school! My baby boy is going into middle school. Holy cow!

 

When Ethan moved up to middle school, it seems like i was ready/prepared etc. Now that it's Corbin...not so much. I still think of him as my baby boy. He's always been my sensitive, little man. This will be a new experience for mama as well.

One thing I know for sure is that Corbin has made numerous friends the past four years in Tom Bean. A couple friendships that will last long after his schooling career. One in particular, Zach, that I know, would go to the end of the earth for Corbin. We should all be so lucky to have a "Zach" in our lives. Corbin has also(yes, at his young age) had his share of cute girls running after him. My favorite, Jessica. I like her so much I've mentioned to Corbin several times that he needs to marry her someday. Sadly, kids will be kids, boys will be boys...that sweet relationship ended a couple weeks ago. Funny part is, I liked her so much, Corbin was AFRAID to tell me he broke up with for fear that I'd be mad at him! Crazy kid. Apparently, the whole school, except the boys, is mad that Corbin ended this innocent romance. I guess Jessica and Corbin were the IT couple. Priceless. *Side note-Corbin's fine...already moved on to Melanie*

Corbin, as you move on, as you move forward, you have such ambition and drive, I know you will take these next three years in middle school by the horns and make it three of the best years of your life. I have loved watching you make all these memories with your buddies and I can't wait to see the ones yet to be made. Good luck, little man!

 We love you, Corbin Lee!

 

 

Ethan's A Teenager!

When I was considering what to title this post I knew right away it'd be titled "I Have A Teenager". Within a split second I realized that just wouldn't work. This is NOT about ME. Ethan turning 13 is in no way about ME. It's about HIM and the journey HE'S about to embark on as a teenager, preparing for life as an adult. "Ethan's A Teenager" is perfect. HE is perfect.

 

Ethan has always been, from the day he was born, my suborn, strong willed, independent little boy. He is now, still all those things, he's just growing and maturing into a young man.

 

I've said it so many times...he was my first. I still tell him that on a regular basis. I try to make him realize that I/we have never been a parent of a child his age, whatever the age may be. I tell him that as he is learning how to be a person/teenager/man, I am also learning how to be the mom of that person/teenager/man. He thinks we are so much harder on him than Corbin. I always tell him we just expect so much from him since he's the oldest. I know I need to let that go. I need to let him be who he is. I just need to expect him to do his best. Be the best he can be.

 

He's an amazing runner. The way he paces himself on long distances and gives it all he has amazes me every time I watch him. Running...that's his happy place. That's the place that brings him joy, fulfillment and peace.

 

He still has a lot of growing and maturing to do but I can't wait to be there by his side every step of the way. I can't wait to see what God calls him to do. He often talks about being a soldier. He's in awe of our military. Specifically the army. I can see him doing anything he puts his mind to. He is definitely one determined little guy.

 

It wasn't until we found out we were expecting baby number four, that I realized Ethan will be graduating and moving out in FIVE years. Thanks Matt, for pointing that out :-/ It really got me thinking. Thinking that I need to make the most of these next five years. I need to take it all in and make it the best it can be for him(and me in my old age).

 

Happy 13th Birthday, Ethan. Welcome to your teen years. Make em' the best. Cherish this time in your life. It'll be gone way too soon and you'll be wondering where the years have gone. I know...I ask myself that every year when you have another birthday.

 

You are my amazing young man. My first young man. I'll always cherish every memory I've had with you as a child and I can't wait to make more memories as you become a great young man. You will ALWAYS be my little boy. I will always be your crazy, overbearing mom.

 

I love you to the moon and back, Ethan. Happy, Happy Birthday, my teen!

We're Having Another...?

Exciting, exciting, exciting. We had our regularly scheduled OB visit today and decided to have a "sneak peak" sono. The heartbeat was perfect at 150 and baby was relaxed as could be. We could actually see the baby taking gulps of water :) Precious. The little legs were bent up with the feet crossed at the ankles so it was a bit tricky to see the "turtle" or the "hamburger".

After some poking and prodding on my belly(which I'm pretty sure bothered me more than the baby), we were able to get a side view.

We're having another......BOY!

Initially, we all 5 wanted another girl. Taya wanted a baby sister. Matt and I wanted another baby girl and the boys just didn't want another boy. However, I have told Matt and the kids for the past few weeks that I just knew I was carrying another boy. Mothers intuition, I guess.  When I stop and look around and picture a baby in our house and in our lives, I always see a baby boy. Not a baby girl. I guess mothers really do know best.

I think the fact that Taya will remain our baby girl, the only girl, our little princess, is pretty darn special. She can teach him everything she knows about horses. Corbin can teach him how to be an amazing athlete. Ethan can teach him how to be a great sprinter/runner. This new baby brother will have great role models.

We showed the kids the sono pictures when they got home from school. Told them our new addition was another brother. I was nervous but to my great surprise they all three were so excited. The boys will have a new "teammate". Taya will have a baby brother.

I mentioned that Taya and I were still going to be outnumbered when she popped off that no we won't. Apparently, we have 10 members of our family. Matt, Ethan, Corbin, the new baby, Oreo(Tayas rabbit),  me, Taya, our dog Maci and Corbin and Ethan's two female guinea pigs. Ten family members. According to Taya, that's the perfect family...I tend to agree. The perfect COMPLETE family.

Now....we officially get to argue about boy baby names.

Here We GROW Again

Baby #4 expected to arrive in September.

Surprised...? Ha! Surprised is the understatement of the year. Shocked to the core of my soul is more like it.

I just recently had become totally ok with not having any more children. Our family is complete and perfect just the way it is. I was at peace with that. However, our God has bigger plans. Better plans. He has known all along our family has been missing that one last piece. The piece that is now this baby.

The past three weeks have been an emotional roller coaster from you know where. Of course at first I was shocked. Then happy, excited....terrified, scared...back to shocked...happy and excited. I'm now teetering on happy/scared/excited/shocked. As time goes on, I'm sure I'll be completely happy and fully excited.  

There have been numerous times I've sat and cried. Wondered why this happened. Wondered why I "let" this happen. How will I love another baby as much as I love Ethan, Corbin and Taya. What have I done? What are we going to do? Then Matt brought me to reality. We WILL make it. We've made it three times before and we'll make this LAST time. It's our baby. A part of our family. A part of us. We'll love it, nurture it and help it become all that he/she is meant to become. This little guy/gal will have the best big brothers and the best big sister ever. Role models. And "that" warms my heart.  

My loving husband told me last night that I've been a "complete basket case". And...he's right. Complete. Basket. Case. The day I found out I have a little bambino growing inside me I quit taking my "crazy" pills, AKA Celexa cold turkey. With this comes withdrawal. So between the emotions of a pregnant woman accompanied with the withdrawal...I have in fact been a total raving lunatic. I'm sorry to my husband and kiddos for that.

I really do want to enjoy, embrace and cherish this pregnancy. It IS the LAST time I'll experience the feel of movements inside me. The last time any of my children will hear my heartbeat from the inside. The last time I will share "this" bond. That's a beautiful thing.  

So....here we are...GROWING again. And looking to a bright, beautiful future.